Back to School, Back to School, to prove to Daddy I'm not a fool

Hey y'all!
Like the title? I love Billy Madison!
It was my first day back at school...and it started bad.

• My silly self took a way to school that I do not usually take and parked in a meter spot. To make a long story short y'all....I got lost walking to campus in the hot sun. I don't even know how I managed that. I think I'm losing my mind hahaha!
• The IV medicine I am taking has slowly starting showing that I'm having an allergic reaction. yesterday I woke up itching, today I woke up with a swollen, red, blotchy face. How will tomorrow go?
• It was hot, hot, HOT! I wore a black shirt. (I told you I was losing my mind)
• The bookstore ran out of the book I need!
• A freshman hit on me, bless his heart

Y'all one of my professors sounds like the teacher on Ferris Bueller's Day off! No lie! But he is actually very entertaining!

Tomorrow is friday so it has to be better!

College and ports

Hey y'all!
So as y'all know from my last post, I have not been feeling well at all. I ended up going to the doctor's Monday to get a quick check before I started school Thursday (TOMORROW!!). My numbers were the lowest they have ever been. My pulse ox was also 92% and when I did the walking test, it dipped down to 87%. My weight dropped too (of course). Well I was put straight on antibiotics through my port. So I am starting my senior year of college with a port, not that this will be my last year at college haha.

I am so excited to start school. I sound like a total nerd but when you have to miss school, it makes you want it more. Although I am classified as a senior, I still have more than a year left at college. It is fine because I mean if you don't take forever to graduate then are you really even doing college right? Just kidding, I would be graduating had I not decided to transfer and change major but you win some, you lose some. I am just a little concerned walking to class because I think I might actually collapse on the sidewalk. I have no energy and can not catch my breath. We will see!
See y'all next time!

Dear People Who Think I am Lazy

Hey y'all!
I have not been feeling all that great lately again unfortunately. I can't catch my breath and my pulse ox is running 88-91. So to make things simple....I just want to lay in bed all day and sleep. That seems to be the number one thing that people without CF do not understand. They do not understand that we are not being lazy. We simply need days to catch our breath. Even my friends do not understand. They say I need to get out more and get up and do something and to stop being lazy. Even if I explain that I do not feel good, they seem to think that getting up and doing something will magically make me better. In other words....they just think I'm being lazy. It is really aggravating. Especially since they do not understand. This is coming from people who stop their whole lives for a cold. So this is a note to those people who think I'm lazy:

Dear people who just think I'm being lazy,
Please do not pretend to understand how I feel and then criticize me. Sometimes I do not feel good. Sometimes my oxygen is low. Sometimes I'm so sleepy that I cannot get out of bed. Sometimes I cannot breathe and have cough attacks that leave me gasping for air. I am not being lazy. I am not "pulling the sick card." I am sick. Sorry that you do not understand that. Unfortunately I barely have good days. I do not bother you when you lay in bed for days because you have a cold or when you complain loudly when you cannot stop coughing from the cold. Why must you bother me about what I do? Just leave me be, let me have my sick days, my "lazy" days. I do the best I can. I can promise you there are days when I feel like absolute crap but I am still out there going to class, walking tons, cleaning, making dinner, babysitting, all without complaining. You have no idea what it feels like to have to stop and rest after walking for a couple minutes because you're out of breath. You focus on you and I will focus on me.
Love,
Chelsea

Tips for the CF College Kid

Hey y'all! So as y'all know I have been to three colleges so I kind of consider myself an expert on college. One day I may even graduate. I have had some ups and downs throughout my ongoing college experience so I figured I would share some tips for all you kids heading off to college this fall.

Chelsea's College Tips

• Do not overpack. This is crucial because your mom will be taking some stuff back home when she leaves you. Your dorm room is not that big, especially when you have to share it. You will not use a quarter of the stuff you bring, I can almost guarantee it. That cool lap desk thing? It will sit under your bed. Make sure you have all of your health stuff!
• You will not need those 50 shirts from high school. You will get tons of free shirts.
• Bring a power strip. There will not be enough outlets for all your things especially once you have your vest and breathing machine going.
• A plastic 3 drawer compartment thing will come in handy to hold all your medicines and CF supplies. If you do not have CF, it is still pretty handy.
• Use ratemyprofessor.com when registering for classes. You will know what to expect from the class and what to expect from the professor. But keep in mind just because some people do not care for a professor does not mean you will hate him too.
• Get out of your dorm. I repeat, get out of your dorm and make friends.
• If you happen to be in your dorm, leave your door open. Believe me, that is how you make friends. People will just walk into your room and BAM instant friends.
• If you go to a party, pour your own drink and watch it the whole party. Do not put it down, this even applies to just soda.
• Do not go off with people you do not know well. I know that sounds like common sense but you will meet so many people in college that you'll feel more comfortable than you should with a stranger. 
• You might decide to drink- make sure you have a friend with you.
• Stay away from smoke-no brainer.
• Be organized- you will lose stuff if you are not.
• If you have CF, be upfront with your roommate and suite mates or get a private room. This eliminates you having to sneak in treatments like I tried to do for the first few weeks. They will understand. If they do not, request a new room or sit down and talk through a solution, such as you doing treatments when she is in class or her leaving when you need to do them.
• Also  sign up with student disability services. I know it may not be something you want to do, but it is better to do it now just in case than having to do it as you are sitting in the hospital. Plus you usually get to register early- better classes!
• Make time for your treatments- its going to be hard at first. You're going to want to skip to do other things but it really is important to make time.
• Take your enzymes because the college cafeteria is going to mess your stomach up.
• With that being said, always have enzymes on you because you will never know when you will eat.
• Make sure you have lots of snacks and little microwave meals. Some dorms even have a kitchen you can cook in. You might not feel like going to the cafeteria or you may get hungry when it is closed. My roommate and I lived off CVS pre-packaged subs for a week because we kept missing dining hours. Gross- I know.
• Your roommate does not have to be your best friend but you do want to get along. I loved all my roommates. They are fantastic.
• College finals are going to stress you out but they will end and you will be fine.
• Get plenty of sleep. All nighters are not as cool as they seem.
• Bring air freshener for that shared bathroom!
• If you can avoid it, do not buy your textbooks from the bookstore. It will drain you financially. Try chegg.com, amazon.com, half.com, and other textbook sites. They are usually much less expensive.
• Also try to sell your books back to those sites or to other students. The bookstore will not give you much. After spending over $550 on textbooks, I got $30 back at the end of the semester. No joke.
• Do not sign up for 8am classes if you do not normally like to get up early. You will skip. Do not think just because you got up in high school that you will get up for that class.
• Do the extra credit.
• Keep a calendar with everything due.
• Make a schedule including treatments and medicine and such.
• It is a lot easier to be upfront about your CF with people in college. It really is.
• It is really easy to get run down in college. Trust me because it happened to me. You have to stay on top of your health.
• Have fun but stay healthy!!

All right y'all...that is my list so far. If I think of anymore I will add to it of course. Feel free to post your own tips in the comment section.

Back and better than ever (sort of)

Hey y'all! It has been awhile but I have had so much going on lately. Well y'all know I got out of that nasty apartment (Yay!), and I have finally found somewhere else to live! Its a cute little house. I am so excited. Living at home is just not for me anymore.

I also started back with school! I am taking online classes this summer to catch up but I plan on graduating in a year and a half (double yay)! I am a hospitality management major now which will help with running my dream bakery. My books were so expensive (boo college).

I'm still not feeling great, but hey feeling bad is the new normal right? I tried IV antibiotics for awhile and when I came off of them I felt so great....for a week and then I crashed. But that week was great. I went to Carowinds and could walk around without getting short of breath. I had a great time. Oh and when I first came off antibiotics my pfts had jumped way up and my doctors decided to cancel my transplant evaluation!!

 But my most important news is that one of my best friends finally had her baby! She is precious and all things great. The best baby in the world! I love her so so so much and I love being Aunt Chelsea.

I have also been crafting a little. I made a burlap wreath!

I think I have caught y'all up pretty much with my life. I know I make this promise a lot but I will be blogging more.

Coughing up blood vs. breathing

Hey y'all! I have not been feeling well lately. For the past two weeks I have been coughing up tons of blood. Pure blood with no mucus. By tons, I mean I have been filling up the bottom of a bathroom sink with it. It only happens when I lay down to go to bed. I start feeling a bubbly feeling, almost like a wheeze that is when I know the blood is coming. Then I have to cough and up it comes. I coughed up so much the other day that I could not stop and was actually choking on the blood. It was gross.

SO... my doctor decided that it might be from the Colistin I started, so she took me off of it for a week to see if that helps. She also had me stopped hypertonic saline at night to see if that helps as well.

I went to the doctor Tuesday and it is now Thursday...so after only two nights of not doing Colistin or hypertonic, my lungs are not happy. I can barely breathe. My chest is tight and hurting. I cannot imagine a whole week of this.. To be fair though, the coughing up blood did stop. I almost think I would rather just cough up blood than feel like this. Funny how that is.

If I had continued to cough up blood, my doctor wanted to possibly do a CT scan and a bronch but so far...no blood! I also had an x-ray done.

In other news, my doctor wants my decision about which transplant facility I want to use so they can set up a meeting for me to just talk with them!

New Mac!!

Hey y'all! So my Dell laptop that I have had since high school graduation has not been working very well. It kept shutting off on me at the worst times. I figured it was time to get a new laptop. I have been eyeing a Mac for some time now. I finally just got it. It was an expensive investment but I love it. It is the most expensive thing that I have ever purchased myself. It is my baby. I am so in love. Just thought y'all should know. I felt so guilty about spending so much money but I know it will be worth it in the long run! I just love love LOVE it!

Painted coolers

Hey y'all! All those who went to college in the south will immediately know what I am talking about when I say painted coolers. Painted coolers are popular in the Greek community. Bigs give painted coolers to their littles for reveal day in sororities. They can be given just as a present. But most importantly, when a frat guy invites you to a function, such as mountain weekend or formal, you paint him a cooler! I'm not in the Greek system but who can really resist a painted cooler? So far I've made two. One for my boyfriend's birthday two years ago and one for myself recently. I am currently working on another one for my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Now I would in no way consider myself an expert at this. Its pretty much trial and error for me when it comes to it. But I did read a lot of articles about it before I even attempted to paint a cooler. So I'm just going to tell you what I do and then let you see my finished cooler. I'll let you know my mistakes so you can avoid them.
Cooler painting steps: (Keep in mind these are just my steps, others might do it differently)

1. Pick out a cooler. I wanted a big one, so I picked out this one from walmart: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Igloo-48-Quart-Breeze-Ice-Chest/23735484 but I have painted a smaller one. I have never attempted one with wheels.
2. Next you need to sand the cooler really good. Some people sand it with a bigger grain and then a smaller grain. I just use one small grain and sand it all over.
3. I then wash the cooler off to get rid of dust and cooler particles.
4. Make sure you use painters tape to tape the handles and where the top opens and closes. If you paint that, it will not open. 
5. Prime the cooler. I use Krylon paint that is made for plastic this will make the cooler white.
6. I always plan out my cooler in the beginning so I know what will go where.
7. Start painting one side! (only do one side at a time) 
8. When you have painted all the sides, you need to let it dry. (I let my dry for a day)
9. Get mod podge in the screw top bottle and paint it on all over the cooler. You want to do a couple coats, just make sure you let each coat dry before the next.
10. Let cooler dry for a day.
11. Get mod podge  clear acrylic spray and give your cooler a coat or two.
12. Let your cooler dry completely before you use it.

Tips:

• Use tissue paper! Trace the outline of the image or the words you want from your computer screen onto tissue paper. Then tape the tissue paper on the cooler where you want it and trace back over the image in sharpie. It will leak through and give you the outline on the cooler for a clean image or words.
• Sharpies and paint pens work really well for small, clean lines.
• Always use a ruler for straight lines.
• Allow yourself time. Mine took a week from start to finish

Mistakes:

• Do not make your mod podge coat too thick, mine did not dry clear in some places.
• If you mess up and need to paint over, make sure you cover it up completely and give it time to dry.
• Do not freehand if you are not an artist or if you cannot write well. My computer messed up on the last thing I needed to do so I had to freehand some words. My handwriting is not neat. 
• Do not mod podge at night under a light or you will be picking bugs out of the sealant.
• Do not let your baby brother "help" or you will be repainting.

So here is my cooler y'all:

Top of cooler: (I hot glued pearls around my monogram)

Back of cooler:

Cooler front:

Side of cooler: 

Other side of cooler:

Like I said, I am not expert whatsoever. Plenty of other girls have more experience and can probably do it better. But this is my cooler and my steps. So have fun painting a cooler y'all!

If you don't like Frozen, I suggest you let it go

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"You"

"You who?"

"You-whoooo big summer blowout!"

Well y'all, I won't be blogging this weekend. I am going to visit my dad. It's going to be a three hour drive there and back which sounds awful. Good news, I will be blaring the Frozen soundtrack the whole way. Just because I'm 20 and obsessed with Frozen doesn't mean anything. Its a really great movie okay? The music is awesome. Its just fantastic. I suggest seeing it right away.If you don't like frozen I suggest you just let it go (haha see what I did there?) I know all the words to every song and will sing them at the top of my lungs. No shame.

My Bucket List

Hey y'all. I thought I'd make a bucket list. Some of these will be typical growing up things (but hey I want to accomplish them before I die) while some will not be.

Bucket List:

• Go to Venice, Italy (Gondola rides, romance, the language!)
• Go dancing
• Learn to surf
• Travel (anywhere and everywhere)
• Get married
• Have kids (yes I'm boring you, I know)
• Go on a cruise
• Take pictures in every photo booth I come across
• Own a bakery
• Go on a road trip
• Go on a cute picnic
• Read every Jane Austen novel (I'm a big fan. Pride and Prejudice is my fave)
• Graduate college (haha its a struggle!!)
• Receive flowers just because
• Go zip-lining
• Own a plantation style house
• Own a real strand of pearls (sorry the southern side is coming out!)
• Live a life that everyone remembers
• Inspire someone

I'm sure I'll think of more but these are my goals so far. I might not be able to complete them all as some are out of my hands, but I will certainly try. 

Why I'm done with Walmart and other ramblings

Hey y'all! So one thing about me is that I eat, a lot, like a lot a lot. You would not be able to tell by looking at me but I could probably out eat any one of you. I am constantly starving and can eat like two grown men. I just cannot seem to gain weight. So the doctor's put me on Periactin which is an appetite stimulant. I am going to go broke just buying food to sustain me. I'll probably eat myself out of a house and home. Did you know periactin is also an antihistamine? Weird right? It makes me a tad tired. I'm also trying to drink at least one scandishake a day to up my weight.

I'm not sure how many of y'all have sinus issues but I have them and they bother the heck out of me. My ENT says to try doing my TOBI and Colistin with a mask to get the antibiotics in my sinuses as well. So maybe that might bee something for y'all to try as well, but of course I'm no doctor. Some of my sinus cavities are getting gross again so I'm also taking a nasal steroid. This will be my first month trying Colistin. Has anyone else used it before? How did y'all like it? I've tried Cayston before but it made me cough up tons of blood so I had to stop using it.

Let me tell y'all one thing about doctor's that just annoys me. You fill out all this paperwork right? You have to write down every single medication you take, then you go back and they ask you the same thing. I'm just always like ugh really and repeat them all over again.

I got to spend the weekend with my boyfriend who I'm ever so thankful for. But....everything went downhill yesterday. I took my car to Wal-Mart (which was my first mistake) to get an old change. It took them 3 and a half hours! There were barely any other costumers there, just one other. I should have expected that I guess. Wal-Mart is the home of 30 something registers and they only open 2 at a time. The oil change cost me $74 which hurt my pockets. I was also told I needed a new battery which is another $105. My poor college kid pockets are getting emptier and emptier. After all that, I go out to my car and it doesn't start. The guy says "well the car won't start because the battery is bad" no really? despite his comment, he brings the jumper cables and a battery out to jump my car off. He hooks the cables to my car, but had the other two cables hooked to the metal cart which promptly started to spark and almost electrocuted him. So I am done with Walmart. I shall find a new place to do my auto care.

Sorry this is kind of a rambling post. I guess y'all are used to that by now though.

Sorry y'all!

Hey y'all! I have been really slack on my blogging game. I just have not felt up to my normal healthy self in such a long time. I actually don't remember the last time I felt "good." I have been struggling to breathe and been so tired. I had two doctor's appointments yesterday. My pfts, while not good by any means, were not much different than last time I went into the doctors and my pulse ox was up. It just seems so weird to me. I feel so bad, like so awful. I feel like I can barely breathe. It seems like my tests should reflect that. It makes me mad. Of course we talked more about going ahead and consulting with the transplant people, even though my doctor does not think I need one just yet. She also suggested I start sleeping with oxygen. I plan on really stepping my game up, not only with blogging but also with my health. I just have to so something to feel better.

But in other news I went to the library and checked out two books on owning a bakery. I am really going to make this dream come true. I have also been experimenting with different cupcakes.
These cupcakes are Key Lime with a graham cracker crust bottom and the other are blueberry cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. These cupcakes were a hit at my house. My mom downed about 5 of the key lime ones the first night I made them.




I promise y'all I will start blogging more. I'm just finding it hard to write about things when nothing interesting is going on.

Stories of a Rebel Child

I have been babysitting two little boys this week, both 3, and good gracious. These two do not know how to share or get along. I have broken up fights over apple slices. One little boy even slapped the other because he was looking at his face. Its been an adventure. Kudos to you parents out there. But I have been able to use my educational class info to come up with educational activities for them to do. So yay for college.

I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment Tuesday but they canceled on me. Apparently my doctor has the flu. So I decided to go all rebellious and get my nose pierced instead. I must admit I was nervous. My best friend had hers done recently and was trying to tell me it did not hurt hardly at all. The whole way there I was sweating and nervous. Seems like I wouldn't be seeing as how I get needles all the time. The road I had to use was shut down, and I did not know another way. It was like Life was telling me no. But I'm a rebel. I followed other cars, hoping they would lead me to the road I needed. Thank goodness they did. I finally made it to the piercing place. The guys in there were really friendly and joking. It had a very relaxed feeling. I was ready for this. I sat down on the chair. The guy had me take deep breaths and then stuck the needle through. It felt like a lot of pressure and hurt some. The creepy thing is when they have the piercing needle sticking all the way through your nose. Its pretty gruesome to open your eyes and see that. The guy puts the stud in...and the jewel falls off! So he tries to put a different stud through but it just wouldn't go. I was a little upset to say the least. So I had to get pierced again through the same hole. This time the stud stays intact. So I got my nose pierced twice in one day. The second time hurt a lot, I will not lie. My nose is still sore two days out, but I love it.

End of one chapter...beginning of another

Well y'all...this week has been a stressful one. So much has went on.
I had my little brother at my apartment from Tuesday night until Friday night. He is four and quite bossy. He can be sweet too. So I had a taste of being a parent for awhile. He had some spells. He did not want to go to bed. He was also sick which kept him grumpy and unable to sleep well. Despite all this, I decided to take him for a walk to a park to see cannons and the water. Big mistake on my part. It was cold. After we get about 10 minutes away, it starts to rain. Now it had rained earlier that day but had stopped. Then my little brother steps into a puddle and gets his shoe wet. It all went downhill from there. He has a breakdown. He takes his shoe off and will not put it back on. After taking his shoe off, he then proceeds to get his sock wet. He starts screaming and crying in the middle of the sidewalk with people all around. He will not move. He will not put his shoe on. Finally, I get his shoe back on but the crying continues for 20 minutes. The breakdown ended after I bought him some Reese's. So best big sister award. But to be fair, he did tell me "I'm sorry I wouldn't put my shoe back on sissy" later on.

In other news, I moved out of my moldy, wet apartment. I had to move home so that stinks. I am constantly searching for a new apartment. It is hard to move back home after living on your own. This will be like the 4 time I have done this. But hopefully I find a place soon!

Now I am sick. But doctor's on Tuesday!

College life crisis that not even google could fix

Y'all, I'm having a crisis. A college life crisis seems like a good name for it. I don't know what I want to do in life or really anything about my life. I don't know what college I want to go to. I don't know what I want to major in. I'm a junior in college and have no idea what I want to do. I even googled it, I promise. I google everything when I can't decide something. But even good old google could not help me to make a decision.
I know this is normal but as I told you before I stress, a lot. I worry my whole future is just going to fail if I make the wrong choice (my dad calls me a drama queen). I just don't know how to make the right decision, if there is one. I know this is my life but I'm terrified of disappointing my mom or dad.

I have too many "likes" to pick a major. I love kids, helping people, baking, all sorts of stuff. I think I want to go back to my original college and either just finish my education major or do psychology. I want to get my masters in child life, that I'm sure of. I just don't know. How do people make decisions? Maybe I'm missing that part of my brain. This is so hard.

One day I might actually graduate college but college is the best 10 years of your life right so why rush it? Or maybe that's just me.

"The trouble is, you think you have time"

Disclaimer: this post is mildly depressing. I do not want anyone tell me to not be negative or to have hope or any of that because I'm a positive person and I look at the bright side most of the time but here on my blog I can say what is on my mind. I love y'all but seriously this is just a night with serious posts. The quote is by Buddha by the way. 

Time...do any of us ever really have enough? Time has been a big thing on my mind since I started to become sicker, started to spend more and more time in the hospital, and since my doctor told me it might be a good idea to start talking to the transplant people. Growing up I obviously knew that people with CF usually had a shorter life span, although some have lived such long lives which is amazing. Even knowing that, I always planned my future out completely. I'd go to college, get married, have kids, live in a white plantation style house with black shutters and the porch ceiling painted blue, be a stay at home mom, and live happily ever after. I never once believed that I may not ever get to do these things. When you're young, the late 30s/early 40s seems like so far away. Now it doesn't. Now I'm 20, middle aged if you will. My health isn't all that fantastic. I'm by no means negative, I'm just expressing a fear I guess. A fear that I won't get to have the life I so clearly laid out when I was younger.  I fear I won't even get to finish one of those things. Maybe I can finish the degree but lord knows that is taking me forever. Obviously  only 20 so kids and marriage is out of the question right now, maybe like 25? I have always wanted kids and to be a stay at home mom (and own my bakery obviously). But I know you have to be healthy and maintain good Pfts numbers and mine are already quite low. It just seems out of my reach. I've always wanted to get married, but having someone around who loves me would be just as good I guess. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to rush any of this. I just want to know that I'll get that chance to have the life I want. Sometimes it doesn't seem like I'm going to get that. I see other girls my age that are already married and/or have a kid or kids who hate their husbands or are never with their kids and such. It just makes me mad that they have everything I want to be able to have one day and may not get to but yet they don't appreciate it one bit. It blows my mind. I don't mean to be judgmental, just ranting y'all! I don't think I'm asking for much. Just what most normal people want. It doesn't seem fair sometimes. But I guess no one really knows how much time they have left or if their life plans can ever be reached.  It's just like as I get sicker and sicker, I can see my plans flying out the window. It sucks. I know God has a plan for me. Whether I live a long life or not, it's up to him. Whether kids and marriage are in that plan, only He knows. I guess I just have to sit back and do whatever I can to stay as healthy as I can. I know plenty of CFers that have lived long long lives but I feel that I can still have this fear. I think it's natural. 

Gypsy soul and overthinking brain

This post is really just me thinking out loud. One thing y'all should know about me I that I stress. I stress big time, like a lot, especially when making decisions. I just think about decisions too much I believe. I'm constantly weighing both sides of a decision until I drive myself crazy. Decisions like changing my major or transferring colleges or where I want to live have literally sent me into a stress induced ball of tears. Although, having been to 3 colleges so far, you wouldn't think that. It's like nothing I decide on makes me happy for very long. I'm constantly changing mind. I always want to go somewhere new, study something else. A gypsy soul perhaps? I want to change majors again, to child life, but only one college offers it in my state. Surprisingly, it is not one of the three I already tried. I just don't know. I really hate being so indecisive.
I'd really love to just open a bakery right now. That's my passion, baking. But I feel like I should get a degree in something. With all the credits I already have, it certainly seems like I should already have a degree in some major. It feels like I'll never graduate which is so discouraging. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh. Sorry y'all it's just that kind of night.

Only a dog likes bones and other insulting sayings

I'm sure everyone has heard the expression "only a dog likes bones" in reference to skinny girls. I cannot tell you how much I despise that saying with every ounce of my size 0 body. I do not see how that is acceptable. It is degrading. It's just like calling a bigger woman fat. I feel as if it is a saying to make bigger women feel better about themselves and their bodies. You should not have to put others down to feel better. Some women are naturally very skinny. Some women are naturally bigger. Some women naturally fall in the "average" range, as if average is a real thing. God makes everyone different. There is no wrong or right body type. It's just a hateful saying that hurts my feelings as well as others I'm sure. Some women, like me, cannot gain weight. I work just as hard to gain weight as some women do to lose it. It is not acceptable for me as a small woman to call a bigger woman fat, so why is it okay for them to use this expression towards me? As a skinny woman I do not go around saying that bigger women are gross and undesirable. I do not make fun of or degrade them. I just ask for the same respect. Do not tell me "only a dog likes bones" or call me "anorexic" to make yourself feel better about your weight. Gain some confidence or do something about it if it bothers you that much. I work my butt off to put on weight and I just cannot so back off. Sorry y'all! Just ranting about the injustices of society!

Blessing in Disguise

When people find out I have Cystic Fibrosis, they usually respond with sympathy and pity. Oh how I hate pity! Some ask if I have ever thought about what it would be like to be normal. What is normal? My CF and my diabetes and everything else are my normal. My normal is a day filled with medications, shots, and treatments. My normal is hacking up a lung and gasping for breath. My normal is visiting doctors and spending weeks in the hospital. My normal is coughing up blood (this really scares a lot of people). I honestly could not imagine a different normal. Like what would that even be like? I would not wish for a day without my CF and other problems. What is the point in that? A day of "normalcy" would only be a tease. A life I would never have access to. Seems like torture to me. I have CF, it will not go away. People always seem to feel bad for me but I alway wonder why because I have never once felt bad for myself. Even though my life may be cut short from these problems, I live more than most people! I do not take for granted the time I have. I love more deeply and laugh more loudly than I would if I thought I had all the time in the world.
I feel normal. I do what "normal" college kids do. I have friends. I go to parties. I go out on dates. I have fun. I spend too much money. I choose fun over class sometimes. I have a life. One thing I refuse to participate in is smoking though, anything at all.
If I did not have my CF and other medical problems, I would not cough everyday (seriously, it blows my mind that some people do not cough even once a day...seriously BLOWS MY MIND!) I would not spend forever doing treatments and taking medications. I would not constantly be pricking my fingers or giving myself shots. I would be taller and be, let's be honest, probably as big as a house the way I eat. I would be terrified of needles and hospitals. I would not have an expiration date stamped across my forehead. If I did not have CF, I would not be the person I am today. Make no mistake, CF does not define me, but it has shaped me.
CF has made me appreciate more. I call it a blessing in disguise. I always wonder "would I value these things as much if I did not have CF?" and "would I be this awesome if I didn't have CF?" I'd like to think I would. CF makes me value my education (even though it seems to be taking forever to get that bachelor's degree!). It drives me to keep going and to be successful. It allowed me to obtain a part in a TV show (I wanted to be an actress. It was my wish. The show went off the air a couple months after my on air performance.). It makes me love and trust more than I probably should. It helps me to jump over life's hurdles. It makes me value the time I have with my family and friends. It makes me hold them closer to my heart. It makes me more eager to be outgoing and to treat everyone with kindness because every person I meet is fighting a battle I cannot see. It allows me to make a difference and to educate others about CF so maybe one day it will stand for cure found. It tries to help me not sweat the small stuff (but I stress easily). It forces me to look at the bigger picture, but to also appreciate the little snapshots. 
Everyone dies sooner or later. I just do what I need to do to live as long as I can while living my life to the fullest extent.

My Grand Idea

Hey y'all! So lately I've been looking for some CF shirts to buy because all I have are some Team CF shirts. They are cool and all, but I want something more me. Sadly I do not like any shirts I have seen. Sooooo I have decided to make some of my own. If I like them enough, I might put them on here so if y'all like them, y'all can buy them! I'm trying to find little things to keep me occupied in my time off school. So shirt designs it is for now! So be on the look out!

You know you're a CFer when...

I haven't seen this done very much so I thought I'd give it a go.

You know you're a CFer when:

• Your gas can clear a room...or house...or town
• You groan when you see one line to list your medication
• You start carrying a medication list with you to avoid said groan. 
• You groan extra loud (internally of course) when a nurse asks what medicines you are on after you just wrote them all down.
• You're in the hospital so much that you know almost every nurse and respiratory therapist that comes into your hospital room
• Even though you're older than 18, everyone assumes you are still a teenager (I constantly get told I look 15)
• Your stomach bloats out so much that people give you stank looks because they think you're a pregnant teen. (I'm 20 and I'm not pregnant so you can stop staring now thanks) 
• You can't help but get a little irritated when healthy people act like they are dying when they get a little cold. (don't blame them, they aren't used to not being able to breathe)
• People give you stank looks for coughing too much in public
• People ask if you're contagious
• That first cough when you first wake up sets the tone for how the day will go
• You make weird obnoxious noises or sing when you wear your vest (oh wait please tell me that someone else does that and I'm not just weird)
• People always comment on how big some of your pills are and wonder how you manage to swallow them
• You know when it's time to go into the hospital and even take a packed bag with you when you go to see the doctor
• You know more about drugs/what they do/ and side effects than most nurses
• You can ride an IV pole around like no one's business
• You carry something to do into the bathroom because you'll be there awhile 
• You stock up on air fresheners for the bathroom but let's be honest...there's no helping that
• You have a love/hate relationship with your treatments. You hate to do them but if you didn't, you'd feel downright awful
• You can do a nurse's job without a degree (maybe better than some nurses)
• You work like dog to gain weight while everyone else works to lose
• Every one thinks you're so lucky to be able to eat what you want and stay skinny
• You have a third nipple aka a port (does not to apply to all)
• You've had so many PICC lines that your upper arms are covered in little dot scars 
• One of the most annoying sounds is beeping IV machines in the hospital
• Laughing leads to a massive cough attacks
• You have had a violent cough attack that your face turns red and makes your eyes watery
• You've had a cough attack and mucus flew out....and you never found where it went. ( don't lie, it happens)
• You've had so many X-rays that you'd probably glow in the dark
• You've tried to trap and blow "smoke" out of your mouth while doing treatments 
• Those pill organizers just aren't big enough for the job
• You become a salt shaker when you sweat 
• You cough up blood around someone and they completely freak out and want to call 911
• Your fingers look just like ET's
• You make it up a flight of stairs exhausted and panting...only to realize you have another 2 flights to go
• Doing treatments involves everything and everyone in a 3 feet radius getting sprayed by medicine particles when you exhale
• You've used empty saline syringes as water guns
• You've tried that breathing through a straw because you saw that post about how breathing through a straw is like having CF (then you realize where your thinking went wrong with that idea as you gasp for air)
• You can be sick, wearing oxygen, on the transplant, and still manage to keep a positive attitude and a smile like I see so many of my wonderful Cysters and Fibros doing. Bless their hearts.

Gosh I might need to do more parts to this list as I'm sure I'll think of more. Make this a list longer and funnier. I'd love to get some input from y'all! Feel free to comment with your "You know you're a CFer when" ideas!

Eats like a grown man, looks like a little girl

Hey y'all! It's getting chilly down here in the South! Schools have already been canceled for tomorrow in my hometown. That means every store in South Carolina is out of eggs, milk, and bread. Good thing none of those things are on my list for my big grocery trip tomorrow!
Even though I'm a college student, I like to eat real food. I do not like junk food (no desserts or chips for me! Everyone always thinks I'm weird for that) and I just could not fathom eating ramen noodles every meal. So my grocery bills are a tad high because I like to make good meals every night. I'm learning to shop smart and make my grocery bill as small as I can so if y'all have any suggestions or advice on budgeting groceries or using coupons please feel free to comment. I'm going to keep trying myself and hope I get the hang of it. Maybe I can help another college student out there like me.  Maybe I'll even share some of my college kid recipes.
I have a small accomplishment I'd like to share. I ate 2060 calories just for lunch!!! Oh it's the small things in life worth celebrating haha! That would be a salad, bacon cheddar potato, and 2 chicken sandwiches all from Wendy's. I have the worst luck gaining weight. I haven't gained weight in about 6 years. Even a feeding tube did not put any weight on me! It is just down right impossible. I feel like I will never reach 90 pounds. I'm hovering about 84-86 on a good day. I know CFers have trouble gaining weight but does anyone else have that much trouble? Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any solutions?
Another thing is I've switched enzymes many times due to stomach problems. I've been creon, ultrase, pancrease, and I'm currently on zenpep. My enzymes make my stomach bloat out huge, like 8 months pregnant huge, no lie. I'm embarrassed to walk around after I eat. My stomach also kills me and is very uncomfortable, like severe gas pain inside. Anyone else have this problem? What did you do?
I've asked a lot of questions this post but any help would certainly be a blessing!  Thanks in advance y'all!

P.S. I'm sorry I haven't been putting any pictures in. I have plenty I want to share, but I just do not know how on earth to do that on my gosh darn iPhone.

Well I do declare!

Hey y'all! Good gracious it has been awhile! I've been a busy bee lately. I have been taking my time off of school to do things I'm passionate about: baking and painting canvases!
I have also been running up and down the roads to various doctor's appointments. I had to get my eyes checked for diabetes damage (where the nurse that saw had just came back to work that day after having the flu and all her children had it). She was still sneezing and sniffling all over the place. I also had to see endocrinology where I now have to take a shot every time I eat along with a shot at night. I also have to check my blood sugars four times a day.  I feel like a human pin cushion. My fingers are all bruised as well as my stomach from all the poking! But now that my blood sugar is under control I am hoping to maybe gain some weight! I still feel awful so that sucks but I'm not ready to be back on IVs again so suffer I shall.

For all those who have not seen Foreverland and 65_RedRoses, I highly recommend both! They are really good. I must admit I teared up at both of them. They need to make a really great, really popular movie about CF. I think it would give CF more publicity and therefore we would be as well known as cancer. We need to be more proactive at fundraising. I wish CF was as well known as say breast cancer.

Another thing I want to touch on is how CFers can make other CFers feel bad without even knowing. Like for instance I know some CFers who are like "there's no excuse not to get out and do something everyday" "I work out everyday no matter how sick I am" "I eat so healthy and now I don't have to take any medications." Sorry y'all but shut up. Some CFers can get offended. Sometimes it's a struggle to pull yourself out of bed. Hell, sometimes it's a struggle just to breathe. Some people just cannot get up and work out everyday. So saying there's no excuse makes them feel like there is something wrong with them and that they are lazy. Also some people do not have as severe cases of CF. If you don't have to do treatments or take enzymes or have diabetes too, good for you. You are blessed. Not others are as blessed. As CFers we should embrace other CFers because who knows better what they have to go through. I found a quote recently that I really love. It goes:

"You are not obligated to do everything a healthy person does.  You are not obligated to be an inspiration.  You are not obligated to hide your illness in order to make other people comfortable.  You are allowed to know your limits.  You are allowed to have bad days.  You are allowed to stay in bed if you can’t get up to do anything but go to the bathroom.  It is not your fault if other people leave you because of your illness.  It is not your fault that you are sick.  You don’t have to apologize for something that is out of your control." -unknown

I really do love this.

Snow day in SC

Hey y'all! Now I know all you northerners are laughing your heads off at us southern folk, but we are not used to this weather! Now we only got a few inches, like 2 or 3, but that was enough to shut down all the schools and businesses in my area. Schools even got out early yesterday before anything happened at all, just in case. We had a wonderful snow day today filled with sledding and warm chicken soup. Schools in the area are delayed tomorrow but still in session, much to the dismay of my little sister.

But as the snow day ends my chest is now hurting a bunch, especially when I cough. My cough is never ending. But according to my doctor's appointment Monday, my pfts were up higher than they have been in a long while. So that's good! But what is not good is I still feel awful and my doctor is at a loss at what to do. My pfts never seem to stay up anymore. It is almost as if I can feel them dropping with every breath I take.

Who Am I?

Hey y'all! It has been awhile since I last posted, so sorry for that. So I figured this post should be a getting to know me post. I complained to y'all constantly and give you little tidbits of my life but I have never really shared much about me. Now I am not going to sit here and list my different medical conditions and such because that's not me.
Soooo here we go...try not to be too terribly bored.

 My name is Chelsea...obviously. I am 20 years old. I'll be 21 in July so I am pretty pumped. I expect to be carded as I stand 5'2 and look like I am 12. If y'all have not figured it out by now, I am from the south. South Carolina to be exact. I am a small town girl (so difficult to not bust out with the rest of the song). You cannot find my town on a map. I have a huge family that I love with all my heart no matter how crazy they get, and they get pretty crazy. I graduated with the same 185 kids I started kindergarten with, give or take a few.  I was a cheerleader for 8 years. I also graduated in the top 10% of my class. I took advanced class and such. I was a nerd, but a cheerleader. It balances.

 I am a junior in college now. I have been to three colleges so far. I do not like to stay in the same place for too long it seems. I am studying Early Childhood Education to become a kindergarten teacher. Most of you know that I live underwater in my own apartment, but will soon be moving to dry land. My favorite place to be is the beach and I hope to move there some day. My favorite color is green, like my eyes.

I have many hobbies. I am a total bookworm. No matter where I am at, in the car, the kitchen, heck even the bathroom, I will always have a book with me. I love to babysit my baby brother who is three. He is my main man. I love shopping, for anything, even groceries. I love hanging out with my friends, especially on the weekends around the fire. I like to ride around in my car and listen to country music. I am severely addicted to Pinterest. I am a big fan of quotes. I love eating. You can't tell because I only weigh 86 pounds, but I eat like a grown man. Food is my passion. I eat mostly chicken, chicken anything. I am also a huge fan of Kaminsky's Pecan Pie. I love doing crafts and I love to paint canvases!

My main hobby, which I intend to turn into a career one day, is baking. I love to bake. I was accepted into culinary school but declined to get my Early Childhood Education degree. I want to open my own bakery one day, preferably on the beach.

 I'm sure there is more about me but I just cannot think of much else. I probably will as soon as I post this. That always happens.

It sickens me to see CFers so hateful

Hey y'all! This blog is a more serious one than the past. I'm completely and utterly disgusted with the way the CF community acts towards one another. I started going to online CF forums and places like CF confessions to be able to relate to people like me. I wanted people I could talk to and share my feelings with. These people should be the ones who understand and support you. But sadly they are not. It disappoints me to see CFers tearing other CFers down. You cannot post how you feel, your deep feelings that you cannot tell others, without getting trashed. It's sad and frankly I don't want to be apart of such a nasty community. So if you're one of those people who feel the need to tear others down, leave my blog and do not come back. I do not put others down and I will not allow that to go on. I want a blog where people can comment and share their feelings no matter without being downed. You do not know what battles others are fighting. You have no right to judge others. What's even more disappointing is seeing adults with CF doing this to one another. It's childish and nasty. I came to these websites looking for acceptance but now I do not want anything to do with those people. CFers should stand together, should fight together. We should be supporting other CFers. People need to grow up. This just makes me sick. My blog is an accepting place to share your feelings if you so wish. Nasty comments and downing will not be tolerated here. It's just downright hateful. Pathetic really. Anyone else notice this kind of behavior going on? Does it not bother you? We need to stand together and eliminate this hate!

It's 3 o' clock in the morning, sleeping is boring

Hey y'all! I can never sleep at night anymore it seems. It sucks because I'm so gosh darn tired. So here I am at this absurd hour, watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower writing this blog post and generally feeling like death. Despite being on IV antibiotics, it seems like I am getting sicker.  My lungs hurt, pretty bad actually. I keep having awful cough attacks. You CFers know what I'm talking about. Those attacks where you just can't stop coughing and you feel like you're going to puke and it leaves you gasping for air at the end for like 5 minutes. I just typed all that while having one of those said attacks.  Skills, my friends, skills. I woke up to a soaking wet apartment again yesterday. But the guys came in immediately to vacuum up the water and tell me what they are going to do. Well they might be fixing this apartment but I'm getting out of the place. After having to put my rain boots on just to get to my kitchen, I spent the rest of the morning at the library in a comfy chair with my laptop looking on craigslist. After standing in my kitchen later on that night cooking dinner and realizing a pipe in there was leaking, I was absolutely fed up. So I am spending the whole day today, you know once the sun comes up, riding around looking for an apartment. I will not return home until I find one.  I'll let y'all know how it goes. I also have a dinner date and I'm all for some free food. So all in all, a good day shall be had I suppose. I finished The Fault in our Stars and I must admit that I bawled like a baby. I still highly recommend it though. My port is still hurting and now my shoulder on that side hurts. Seems like one thing after another. Story of my life actually. But I will not let it get me down. I'm still holding out hope that a rich Prince Charming will swoop in to save me from my life right now, and preferably take me to a dry apartment. This post is just a sleepless rant  that jumps all over the place. I'm sorry y'all.

Ports and Books and Food...Oh My!

Maybe blogging will work out for me this time. It's a really good way to keep busy and I love writing. I went to have my port needle changed for the first time today! I was so nervous, especially since the woman next to me at the place also had a port and she was having to be rushed to the hospital because hers clotted up. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The nurses there used a needle that was smaller than the ones at the hospital. They also used a different dressing that doesn't make me want to itch my skin off, thank goodness! So it went well. Still not happy with the port, but I'm sure that will change in time. On the subject of the port...does anyone have any suggestions on keeping it dry in the shower? The hospital said Glad press and seal with some tape. I've tried it. I even tried layers of it using whole rolls of tape but the dressing always gets wet. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I'm reading the book The Fault in our Stars by John Green because I saw many CFers talking about it. I'm loving it! I'm not done with it yet, but I highly recommend it. I love the main character's perspective. Does anyone know of any books about someone with CF that are a good read? If not I may need to write one. That'd be fun. I don't know what I'd talk about but still...I could try. I'm definitely a reader and a writer.
This post is jumping around a lot but I write about what my brain tells me at the moment and I always have 50 million thoughts going on.
It's weird being out of school while all my friends are back in. This break from school is giving me a chance to relax and do stuff I want. By the way, thanks for all the support on that decision y'all! This is going to sound super lame but last night I was super proud of myself and felt so accomplished. What did I do to feel like this? Well I went grocery shopping and managed to get food to make 8 dinners, snacks, and my life necessities ( Mountain Dew and Masterpiece barbecue sauce). I got all that food for  $135. I'm trying to be a smart shopper. Next shopping trip will be less money but more food. That's my goal. One last thing for this blog. I got a crockpot for Christmas and I'm downright obsessed. Does that make me an adult?

Calling all Cysters and Fibros

Hey y'all! I'm currently writing this blog via my iPhone so please forgive me if I make some mistakes. My apartment does not have internet anymore. Anyways!!!! I have never really got to know anyone with CF. So I'm calling for all my Cysters and Fibros! I want some CF friends. It's nice to be able to have people who actually understand. If I try to talk to my friends about things, they can get uncomfortable or can't fully understand. Sometimes I tend to have a dark sense of humor and I also like to openly talk about things others feel are scary, like dying and stuff of that nature. I need people I can talk to, people who understand! I'm fun, at least I think so.  I just want to make some new friends with CF. So come on!!!
On another note, my endocrinologist has put me on 10 units of lantus at night but when I take it my blood sugar drops too low. Anyone else have this problem?

In need of a boat...or a new apartment!

Wow two posts in one day...I am already doing better than last time.
I am currently living in an apartment in Charleston. If y'all know anything about Charleston, you know that when it rains, it floods. I have the perfect flood joke..ready for it?

Need an ark?...I Noah guy. Hahahahahaha! 

See, my apartment is on the first floor and right by the main doors to the building. Since I have lived there, which has only been a month, my apartment has flooded 5 times (no lie). But my apartment does not fill up with water from the rain coming in under my door or anything. The water that soaks the floors in my apartment comes from an interior wall. Apparently a pipe that comes off the roof is rusted out in the walls in the apartment above me. Every time it rains the carpet in my apartment becomes soaking wet. When I walk on it, little puddles form around my feet.

 This is a problem. This water problem has caused mold everywhere on the walls. I cannot even imagine how molded the carpet must be underneath.

Now y'all are probably wondering why I don't just ask the landlord to fix it...well I have...multiple times. It still has not been fixed. These guys come in with a shop vac every time and shop vac my carpet a little. Then they take some bleach and rub my walls down. They even tore a wall down but did nothing else. They refuse to do anything else.

Now I know, I know, with my CF this is a serious problem. I mean MOLD everywhere?! Not good for my lungs. I can tell it takes a toll on me because I feel awful just being there or maybe its just the fact that it feels like I am in a tropical rain forest when I am there. I cannot get the landlord to see this as a serious problem nor can I get her to do anything about the mold or carpets. They need to be ripped up for real. So I am currently looking for a new place to live for around the same, if not lower price. Preferably a place that does not flood every time it rains. I am so over having to wear shoes to get to my kitchen. If anyone is interested in living in a rain forest or an apartment on the water, literally, please contact me, I know the perfect place.

Taking a semester off

I know I promised to be more of a blogger last year and I was a failure of epic proportions. This year will be different. I will have more time to blog. I am taking the semester off of school! This was a decision I deliberated on for weeks and weeks. I am still not completely happy with it but I know it is probably for the best.
*Flashback to last semester*
I was sick as could be and managed to get 3 PICC lines in four months. My FEV1 dipped to 22%. Despite all of this, I managed to not miss any class. I prided myself on being in class no matter how sick I was. I am an early childhood education major so I worked in a school this past semester with kindergartners. As much as I loved my kinderbabies, they made me so sick. One week I could not even talk because I had coughed so much that I messed my throat up. I even spent a weekend in the hospital and got out just in time to be at my practicum school on Monday to teach my kinderbabies. School and my kinders were the most important things to me. My health fell by the wayside. My parents and doctors both urged me to put my health first but my stubborn 20 year old self had my eyes on the prize- a college degree.
*Back to now*
My health has declined once more. My chest is heavy and I can barely breathe. I have had massive cough attacks. I cannot taste or smell anything. Every night since New Year's Eve, I have coughed up copious amounts of blood. My FEV1 was at 32% and I had lost four pounds. My doctor decided it was time for another hospitalization. My doctor also thought getting a port was the best thing to do. Now I am a pretty skinny girl. I am only 5'2 and weigh a whopping 82 pounds. My main concern as a 20 year old female was how the port would make me look and how much it would stick out.
So I was hospitalized. The first night they stuck me four times before the nurses could finally successfully start an IV. That night should have signaled to me that this visit would be bad. I was stuck over 20 times within 6 days. I just seemed to get stuck with nurses that could not draw blood or start IVs. New nurses I am assuming but hey, they have to learn at some point. Lucky for them they got to practice on me and not someone who screams and cries at the sight of a needle. Then Monday I was wheeled down and put to sleep and my port was placed.  Now I am not going to lie, so far I hate it. It sticks out and looks hideous. But hopefully one it heals I will like it more. I am finally out of the hospital. I am still in lots of pain from the port. I feel even worse than before I went into the hospital.

School starts Monday. It feels weird to not be starting. I have been going to school since kindergarten with no breaks except summers. I feel lazy. I know I need to take this time to focus on my health. It is the most important, especially when my doctors are talking of sending me to talk to the transplant people. I just wish I did not feel like I was taking the easy way out. I need to find something to fill my time this semester between appointments and treatments. Blogging will probably be my saving grace to keep me from going crazy.