I'm backkkkkkkk

Good Morning all my lovelies!

It has been quite some time, about 3 years, since I was last here.

AND BOY HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED...

I guess I should catch everyone up on my life now, but I think I'll make it short and sweet.

THIS IS ME NOW

Work life:

• I  graduated college with my Bachelors in Hospitality Management.
• I worked as a wedding planning assistant.
• I worked in event sales.
• Now I am an events specialist at an event venue!
• Some of my clients are people from my local CFF chapter and others.
• I recently met a mom of a young fibro, who I sat with and answered all the questions. It was very rewarding.

Personal Life:

• I'm single (that's right boys, line up).
• I live with one of my best friends from high school and her two adorable puppers.
• I'm turning 25.
• I want to open my own business.
• I love to do beach yoga, calligraphy, paint canvases, bake, and I'm currently learning to play the Ukulele .
• I'm going to be starting another lifestyle blog on how to live on a post grad salary.
• I have a burning passion to do more in life.

Health Life:

• I'm on Symdeko.
• I'm feeling mostly well.
• I started being compliant with all my stuff (including my diabetes that I neglected before).
• I'm gaining weight.

ALL IN ALL

Things are going pretty well for me! I wanted to come back and restart this blog because honestly, I miss doing it. I don't always have much to talk about, but I'm sure y'all like to listen to me ramble about random things anyways right?

Coming back to this blog as a full-fledged adult (scary right?),  I have more insight into adult problems with CF (insurance, jobs, leave time, and co-workers who give you a hard time!), as well as advice to a younger audience like teenage problems and boys (scratch that, I'll never understand guys so don't ask me anything about that)!

Typical college girl wardrobe

Hey y'all!
So I'm a college student, obviously. I usually do not get that dressed up for class. I wear what pretty much every other girl on campus wears. Does that make me "basic"? Probably. Do I care? No, I do not. So all you girls going to college listen up....this is what you'll probably wear.  I figured I would take you through a few of my favorite things to wear:

• Leggings- black ones. To all those guys who think girls wear the same black leggings everyday.... I have 8 pairs of plain black leggings. I used to be one of those "leggings are not pants" girls, then I wore leggings as pants. Life Changed. Leggings are life.

• Yoga pants- black ones. They look good on my butt and they're comfortable. Win/Win. No, I have not actually done yoga in them.
• Boots- to go with my leggings during winter
• Tennis shoes- go with leggings, norts, and yoga pants
• Norts- for all those who do not know, that means Nike Shorts. They are comfortable. I have many pairs. Yes they are running shorts... No I do not run except to food.
  
• Big T-shirts/long sleeve shirts- They go with norts and leggings. They also hide my big CF stomach after I eat.
• Fleece Vest- It has my monogram on it.  It keeps me warm. Speaking of monograms:
• Monogram everything- Because if you don't monogram it, it is not yours. (I'm from the south y'all, my car has a monogram.)
• Pearl earrings- With everything. Pearls go with everything.
• A school hat- because sometimes the hair just doesn't cooperate 
  

Based on the workout clothes I wear, you may believe that I go to the gym and run when I get out of class. Please do not let it fool you. It is just an appearance.

Why I have a love/hate relationship with Red Band Society

Hey y'all!
Now I know all y'all have heard and/or seen the show Red Band Society because hello it features a boy with Cystic Fibrosis! This is huge for us. I for one was super excited that Cystic Fibrosis was being publicized.

What a Disappointment.

Now don't get me wrong, I did love the show. The whole teens spending their lives in the hospital struck close to home for me. I did enjoy watching it but I could not help but get so irritated every time Dash came on screen.
For all those who have not seen the show, Dash is an African American teenage boy with Cystic Fibrosis. Apparently he is in the hospital waiting for new lungs.

Now maybe its just me and my experience with CF, but this show and how they represent it makes it seem like CF is nothing. The writers of this show obviously had no idea what CF is except what they could get off of google.
Now some of you might not agree but frankly this is my opinion and my blog so whatever.
This show makes being a teen with a disease as glamorous when in reality it is not.
My teenage years in the hospital and being sick were a little different.
My hospital room wasn't huge with beautiful decorations, color everywhere, and big windows.
My nurses were nice and wonderful, but they didn't take me to the dances I was missing or come rescue me from a party that I snuck out to attend.
I did not have a group of friends to hang out with to pass the mundane hospital days.
I was alone most of the time, watching movies in my room. Sometimes a child life person would come hang out and play or game or even bring me a video game system.
I certainly wasn't hiding in closets smoking weed.
These teens are just too happy, too healthy looking, too everything.
Not that sick kids cannot be happy, I always try to smile, but being a teenager with a disease is hard sometimes.
It is sometimes being depressed.
It is understanding that no one understands what you're going through even though they "try."
It is going through a multitude of medical treatments a day and tons of pills.
Simply put it is way more than this show portrays and that's why it frustrates me.
It is more of a fun boarding school than a hospital with seriously ill kids.
Being sick is not glamorous, and it is not fun.
This is real life for so many people and to see it shown like it is one big party is a slap in the face.
I know that this is purely for entertainment but I don't want people thinking CF is nothing because of this show. It is not just CF, all of the diseases shown are downplayed, but I can only speak for CF.

Oops 2015 already?

Hey y'all. I totally forget I have a blog about 98% of the time. I know I always say I am going to do better and blog more, but let's be honest, I do a bad job at it. So for 2015 I would really love to step up my blogging game.
SO so so much has happened since I last blogged.

• I have been in the hospital twice, but have been on IV antibiotics many many times.
• My best friend got married :D
• I finished my first semester of my new major with straight As
• I had a bachlorette party
• I've just been so busy

Yes of course I've been sick a bunch. I just recently got out of the hospital Monday. I was oxygen dependent while in the hospital. I'm out now and hopefully on the road to recovery because classes start Monday!

In other news, my best friend got married and I was a bridesmaid. For the bachlorette party we did a pole dancing class and then went out the eat. It was so fun. For all you tiny CFers out there, should you ever decide to take a pole dancing class or just pole dance in general keep in mind that you will spin around the pole really fast (also upside down moves are a lot easier for smaller people!)

School starts Monday and I excited but not. I am NOT ready for class to start again but I am excited for one of my classes. I have a lab that takes place in the kitchen. We get to cook and bake which is my favorite. I even get to wear a chef's jacket and pants! I can't wait to look so official.

SO now y'all are pretty caught up. My upcoming blog posts should be more exciting I hope.

Back to School, Back to School, to prove to Daddy I'm not a fool

Hey y'all!
Like the title? I love Billy Madison!
It was my first day back at school...and it started bad.

• My silly self took a way to school that I do not usually take and parked in a meter spot. To make a long story short y'all....I got lost walking to campus in the hot sun. I don't even know how I managed that. I think I'm losing my mind hahaha!
• The IV medicine I am taking has slowly starting showing that I'm having an allergic reaction. yesterday I woke up itching, today I woke up with a swollen, red, blotchy face. How will tomorrow go?
• It was hot, hot, HOT! I wore a black shirt. (I told you I was losing my mind)
• The bookstore ran out of the book I need!
• A freshman hit on me, bless his heart

Y'all one of my professors sounds like the teacher on Ferris Bueller's Day off! No lie! But he is actually very entertaining!

Tomorrow is friday so it has to be better!

College and ports

Hey y'all!
So as y'all know from my last post, I have not been feeling well at all. I ended up going to the doctor's Monday to get a quick check before I started school Thursday (TOMORROW!!). My numbers were the lowest they have ever been. My pulse ox was also 92% and when I did the walking test, it dipped down to 87%. My weight dropped too (of course). Well I was put straight on antibiotics through my port. So I am starting my senior year of college with a port, not that this will be my last year at college haha.

I am so excited to start school. I sound like a total nerd but when you have to miss school, it makes you want it more. Although I am classified as a senior, I still have more than a year left at college. It is fine because I mean if you don't take forever to graduate then are you really even doing college right? Just kidding, I would be graduating had I not decided to transfer and change major but you win some, you lose some. I am just a little concerned walking to class because I think I might actually collapse on the sidewalk. I have no energy and can not catch my breath. We will see!
See y'all next time!

Dear People Who Think I am Lazy

Hey y'all!
I have not been feeling all that great lately again unfortunately. I can't catch my breath and my pulse ox is running 88-91. So to make things simple....I just want to lay in bed all day and sleep. That seems to be the number one thing that people without CF do not understand. They do not understand that we are not being lazy. We simply need days to catch our breath. Even my friends do not understand. They say I need to get out more and get up and do something and to stop being lazy. Even if I explain that I do not feel good, they seem to think that getting up and doing something will magically make me better. In other words....they just think I'm being lazy. It is really aggravating. Especially since they do not understand. This is coming from people who stop their whole lives for a cold. So this is a note to those people who think I'm lazy:

Dear people who just think I'm being lazy,
Please do not pretend to understand how I feel and then criticize me. Sometimes I do not feel good. Sometimes my oxygen is low. Sometimes I'm so sleepy that I cannot get out of bed. Sometimes I cannot breathe and have cough attacks that leave me gasping for air. I am not being lazy. I am not "pulling the sick card." I am sick. Sorry that you do not understand that. Unfortunately I barely have good days. I do not bother you when you lay in bed for days because you have a cold or when you complain loudly when you cannot stop coughing from the cold. Why must you bother me about what I do? Just leave me be, let me have my sick days, my "lazy" days. I do the best I can. I can promise you there are days when I feel like absolute crap but I am still out there going to class, walking tons, cleaning, making dinner, babysitting, all without complaining. You have no idea what it feels like to have to stop and rest after walking for a couple minutes because you're out of breath. You focus on you and I will focus on me.
Love,
Chelsea

Tips for the CF College Kid

Hey y'all! So as y'all know I have been to three colleges so I kind of consider myself an expert on college. One day I may even graduate. I have had some ups and downs throughout my ongoing college experience so I figured I would share some tips for all you kids heading off to college this fall.

Chelsea's College Tips

• Do not overpack. This is crucial because your mom will be taking some stuff back home when she leaves you. Your dorm room is not that big, especially when you have to share it. You will not use a quarter of the stuff you bring, I can almost guarantee it. That cool lap desk thing? It will sit under your bed. Make sure you have all of your health stuff!
• You will not need those 50 shirts from high school. You will get tons of free shirts.
• Bring a power strip. There will not be enough outlets for all your things especially once you have your vest and breathing machine going.
• A plastic 3 drawer compartment thing will come in handy to hold all your medicines and CF supplies. If you do not have CF, it is still pretty handy.
• Use ratemyprofessor.com when registering for classes. You will know what to expect from the class and what to expect from the professor. But keep in mind just because some people do not care for a professor does not mean you will hate him too.
• Get out of your dorm. I repeat, get out of your dorm and make friends.
• If you happen to be in your dorm, leave your door open. Believe me, that is how you make friends. People will just walk into your room and BAM instant friends.
• If you go to a party, pour your own drink and watch it the whole party. Do not put it down, this even applies to just soda.
• Do not go off with people you do not know well. I know that sounds like common sense but you will meet so many people in college that you'll feel more comfortable than you should with a stranger. 
• You might decide to drink- make sure you have a friend with you.
• Stay away from smoke-no brainer.
• Be organized- you will lose stuff if you are not.
• If you have CF, be upfront with your roommate and suite mates or get a private room. This eliminates you having to sneak in treatments like I tried to do for the first few weeks. They will understand. If they do not, request a new room or sit down and talk through a solution, such as you doing treatments when she is in class or her leaving when you need to do them.
• Also  sign up with student disability services. I know it may not be something you want to do, but it is better to do it now just in case than having to do it as you are sitting in the hospital. Plus you usually get to register early- better classes!
• Make time for your treatments- its going to be hard at first. You're going to want to skip to do other things but it really is important to make time.
• Take your enzymes because the college cafeteria is going to mess your stomach up.
• With that being said, always have enzymes on you because you will never know when you will eat.
• Make sure you have lots of snacks and little microwave meals. Some dorms even have a kitchen you can cook in. You might not feel like going to the cafeteria or you may get hungry when it is closed. My roommate and I lived off CVS pre-packaged subs for a week because we kept missing dining hours. Gross- I know.
• Your roommate does not have to be your best friend but you do want to get along. I loved all my roommates. They are fantastic.
• College finals are going to stress you out but they will end and you will be fine.
• Get plenty of sleep. All nighters are not as cool as they seem.
• Bring air freshener for that shared bathroom!
• If you can avoid it, do not buy your textbooks from the bookstore. It will drain you financially. Try chegg.com, amazon.com, half.com, and other textbook sites. They are usually much less expensive.
• Also try to sell your books back to those sites or to other students. The bookstore will not give you much. After spending over $550 on textbooks, I got $30 back at the end of the semester. No joke.
• Do not sign up for 8am classes if you do not normally like to get up early. You will skip. Do not think just because you got up in high school that you will get up for that class.
• Do the extra credit.
• Keep a calendar with everything due.
• Make a schedule including treatments and medicine and such.
• It is a lot easier to be upfront about your CF with people in college. It really is.
• It is really easy to get run down in college. Trust me because it happened to me. You have to stay on top of your health.
• Have fun but stay healthy!!

All right y'all...that is my list so far. If I think of anymore I will add to it of course. Feel free to post your own tips in the comment section.

Back and better than ever (sort of)

Hey y'all! It has been awhile but I have had so much going on lately. Well y'all know I got out of that nasty apartment (Yay!), and I have finally found somewhere else to live! Its a cute little house. I am so excited. Living at home is just not for me anymore.

I also started back with school! I am taking online classes this summer to catch up but I plan on graduating in a year and a half (double yay)! I am a hospitality management major now which will help with running my dream bakery. My books were so expensive (boo college).

I'm still not feeling great, but hey feeling bad is the new normal right? I tried IV antibiotics for awhile and when I came off of them I felt so great....for a week and then I crashed. But that week was great. I went to Carowinds and could walk around without getting short of breath. I had a great time. Oh and when I first came off antibiotics my pfts had jumped way up and my doctors decided to cancel my transplant evaluation!!

 But my most important news is that one of my best friends finally had her baby! She is precious and all things great. The best baby in the world! I love her so so so much and I love being Aunt Chelsea.

I have also been crafting a little. I made a burlap wreath!

I think I have caught y'all up pretty much with my life. I know I make this promise a lot but I will be blogging more.

Coughing up blood vs. breathing

Hey y'all! I have not been feeling well lately. For the past two weeks I have been coughing up tons of blood. Pure blood with no mucus. By tons, I mean I have been filling up the bottom of a bathroom sink with it. It only happens when I lay down to go to bed. I start feeling a bubbly feeling, almost like a wheeze that is when I know the blood is coming. Then I have to cough and up it comes. I coughed up so much the other day that I could not stop and was actually choking on the blood. It was gross.

SO... my doctor decided that it might be from the Colistin I started, so she took me off of it for a week to see if that helps. She also had me stopped hypertonic saline at night to see if that helps as well.

I went to the doctor Tuesday and it is now Thursday...so after only two nights of not doing Colistin or hypertonic, my lungs are not happy. I can barely breathe. My chest is tight and hurting. I cannot imagine a whole week of this.. To be fair though, the coughing up blood did stop. I almost think I would rather just cough up blood than feel like this. Funny how that is.

If I had continued to cough up blood, my doctor wanted to possibly do a CT scan and a bronch but so far...no blood! I also had an x-ray done.

In other news, my doctor wants my decision about which transplant facility I want to use so they can set up a meeting for me to just talk with them!

New Mac!!

Hey y'all! So my Dell laptop that I have had since high school graduation has not been working very well. It kept shutting off on me at the worst times. I figured it was time to get a new laptop. I have been eyeing a Mac for some time now. I finally just got it. It was an expensive investment but I love it. It is the most expensive thing that I have ever purchased myself. It is my baby. I am so in love. Just thought y'all should know. I felt so guilty about spending so much money but I know it will be worth it in the long run! I just love love LOVE it!

Painted coolers

Hey y'all! All those who went to college in the south will immediately know what I am talking about when I say painted coolers. Painted coolers are popular in the Greek community. Bigs give painted coolers to their littles for reveal day in sororities. They can be given just as a present. But most importantly, when a frat guy invites you to a function, such as mountain weekend or formal, you paint him a cooler! I'm not in the Greek system but who can really resist a painted cooler? So far I've made two. One for my boyfriend's birthday two years ago and one for myself recently. I am currently working on another one for my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Now I would in no way consider myself an expert at this. Its pretty much trial and error for me when it comes to it. But I did read a lot of articles about it before I even attempted to paint a cooler. So I'm just going to tell you what I do and then let you see my finished cooler. I'll let you know my mistakes so you can avoid them.
Cooler painting steps: (Keep in mind these are just my steps, others might do it differently)

1. Pick out a cooler. I wanted a big one, so I picked out this one from walmart: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Igloo-48-Quart-Breeze-Ice-Chest/23735484 but I have painted a smaller one. I have never attempted one with wheels.
2. Next you need to sand the cooler really good. Some people sand it with a bigger grain and then a smaller grain. I just use one small grain and sand it all over.
3. I then wash the cooler off to get rid of dust and cooler particles.
4. Make sure you use painters tape to tape the handles and where the top opens and closes. If you paint that, it will not open. 
5. Prime the cooler. I use Krylon paint that is made for plastic this will make the cooler white.
6. I always plan out my cooler in the beginning so I know what will go where.
7. Start painting one side! (only do one side at a time) 
8. When you have painted all the sides, you need to let it dry. (I let my dry for a day)
9. Get mod podge in the screw top bottle and paint it on all over the cooler. You want to do a couple coats, just make sure you let each coat dry before the next.
10. Let cooler dry for a day.
11. Get mod podge  clear acrylic spray and give your cooler a coat or two.
12. Let your cooler dry completely before you use it.

Tips:

• Use tissue paper! Trace the outline of the image or the words you want from your computer screen onto tissue paper. Then tape the tissue paper on the cooler where you want it and trace back over the image in sharpie. It will leak through and give you the outline on the cooler for a clean image or words.
• Sharpies and paint pens work really well for small, clean lines.
• Always use a ruler for straight lines.
• Allow yourself time. Mine took a week from start to finish

Mistakes:

• Do not make your mod podge coat too thick, mine did not dry clear in some places.
• If you mess up and need to paint over, make sure you cover it up completely and give it time to dry.
• Do not freehand if you are not an artist or if you cannot write well. My computer messed up on the last thing I needed to do so I had to freehand some words. My handwriting is not neat. 
• Do not mod podge at night under a light or you will be picking bugs out of the sealant.
• Do not let your baby brother "help" or you will be repainting.

So here is my cooler y'all:

Top of cooler: (I hot glued pearls around my monogram)

Back of cooler:

Cooler front:

Side of cooler: 

Other side of cooler:

Like I said, I am not expert whatsoever. Plenty of other girls have more experience and can probably do it better. But this is my cooler and my steps. So have fun painting a cooler y'all!

If you don't like Frozen, I suggest you let it go

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"You"

"You who?"

"You-whoooo big summer blowout!"

Well y'all, I won't be blogging this weekend. I am going to visit my dad. It's going to be a three hour drive there and back which sounds awful. Good news, I will be blaring the Frozen soundtrack the whole way. Just because I'm 20 and obsessed with Frozen doesn't mean anything. Its a really great movie okay? The music is awesome. Its just fantastic. I suggest seeing it right away.If you don't like frozen I suggest you just let it go (haha see what I did there?) I know all the words to every song and will sing them at the top of my lungs. No shame.

My Bucket List

Hey y'all. I thought I'd make a bucket list. Some of these will be typical growing up things (but hey I want to accomplish them before I die) while some will not be.

Bucket List:

• Go to Venice, Italy (Gondola rides, romance, the language!)
• Go dancing
• Learn to surf
• Travel (anywhere and everywhere)
• Get married
• Have kids (yes I'm boring you, I know)
• Go on a cruise
• Take pictures in every photo booth I come across
• Own a bakery
• Go on a road trip
• Go on a cute picnic
• Read every Jane Austen novel (I'm a big fan. Pride and Prejudice is my fave)
• Graduate college (haha its a struggle!!)
• Receive flowers just because
• Go zip-lining
• Own a plantation style house
• Own a real strand of pearls (sorry the southern side is coming out!)
• Live a life that everyone remembers
• Inspire someone

I'm sure I'll think of more but these are my goals so far. I might not be able to complete them all as some are out of my hands, but I will certainly try. 

Why I'm done with Walmart and other ramblings

Hey y'all! So one thing about me is that I eat, a lot, like a lot a lot. You would not be able to tell by looking at me but I could probably out eat any one of you. I am constantly starving and can eat like two grown men. I just cannot seem to gain weight. So the doctor's put me on Periactin which is an appetite stimulant. I am going to go broke just buying food to sustain me. I'll probably eat myself out of a house and home. Did you know periactin is also an antihistamine? Weird right? It makes me a tad tired. I'm also trying to drink at least one scandishake a day to up my weight.

I'm not sure how many of y'all have sinus issues but I have them and they bother the heck out of me. My ENT says to try doing my TOBI and Colistin with a mask to get the antibiotics in my sinuses as well. So maybe that might bee something for y'all to try as well, but of course I'm no doctor. Some of my sinus cavities are getting gross again so I'm also taking a nasal steroid. This will be my first month trying Colistin. Has anyone else used it before? How did y'all like it? I've tried Cayston before but it made me cough up tons of blood so I had to stop using it.

Let me tell y'all one thing about doctor's that just annoys me. You fill out all this paperwork right? You have to write down every single medication you take, then you go back and they ask you the same thing. I'm just always like ugh really and repeat them all over again.

I got to spend the weekend with my boyfriend who I'm ever so thankful for. But....everything went downhill yesterday. I took my car to Wal-Mart (which was my first mistake) to get an old change. It took them 3 and a half hours! There were barely any other costumers there, just one other. I should have expected that I guess. Wal-Mart is the home of 30 something registers and they only open 2 at a time. The oil change cost me $74 which hurt my pockets. I was also told I needed a new battery which is another $105. My poor college kid pockets are getting emptier and emptier. After all that, I go out to my car and it doesn't start. The guy says "well the car won't start because the battery is bad" no really? despite his comment, he brings the jumper cables and a battery out to jump my car off. He hooks the cables to my car, but had the other two cables hooked to the metal cart which promptly started to spark and almost electrocuted him. So I am done with Walmart. I shall find a new place to do my auto care.

Sorry this is kind of a rambling post. I guess y'all are used to that by now though.

Sorry y'all!

Hey y'all! I have been really slack on my blogging game. I just have not felt up to my normal healthy self in such a long time. I actually don't remember the last time I felt "good." I have been struggling to breathe and been so tired. I had two doctor's appointments yesterday. My pfts, while not good by any means, were not much different than last time I went into the doctors and my pulse ox was up. It just seems so weird to me. I feel so bad, like so awful. I feel like I can barely breathe. It seems like my tests should reflect that. It makes me mad. Of course we talked more about going ahead and consulting with the transplant people, even though my doctor does not think I need one just yet. She also suggested I start sleeping with oxygen. I plan on really stepping my game up, not only with blogging but also with my health. I just have to so something to feel better.

But in other news I went to the library and checked out two books on owning a bakery. I am really going to make this dream come true. I have also been experimenting with different cupcakes.
These cupcakes are Key Lime with a graham cracker crust bottom and the other are blueberry cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. These cupcakes were a hit at my house. My mom downed about 5 of the key lime ones the first night I made them.




I promise y'all I will start blogging more. I'm just finding it hard to write about things when nothing interesting is going on.

Stories of a Rebel Child

I have been babysitting two little boys this week, both 3, and good gracious. These two do not know how to share or get along. I have broken up fights over apple slices. One little boy even slapped the other because he was looking at his face. Its been an adventure. Kudos to you parents out there. But I have been able to use my educational class info to come up with educational activities for them to do. So yay for college.

I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment Tuesday but they canceled on me. Apparently my doctor has the flu. So I decided to go all rebellious and get my nose pierced instead. I must admit I was nervous. My best friend had hers done recently and was trying to tell me it did not hurt hardly at all. The whole way there I was sweating and nervous. Seems like I wouldn't be seeing as how I get needles all the time. The road I had to use was shut down, and I did not know another way. It was like Life was telling me no. But I'm a rebel. I followed other cars, hoping they would lead me to the road I needed. Thank goodness they did. I finally made it to the piercing place. The guys in there were really friendly and joking. It had a very relaxed feeling. I was ready for this. I sat down on the chair. The guy had me take deep breaths and then stuck the needle through. It felt like a lot of pressure and hurt some. The creepy thing is when they have the piercing needle sticking all the way through your nose. Its pretty gruesome to open your eyes and see that. The guy puts the stud in...and the jewel falls off! So he tries to put a different stud through but it just wouldn't go. I was a little upset to say the least. So I had to get pierced again through the same hole. This time the stud stays intact. So I got my nose pierced twice in one day. The second time hurt a lot, I will not lie. My nose is still sore two days out, but I love it.

End of one chapter...beginning of another

Well y'all...this week has been a stressful one. So much has went on.
I had my little brother at my apartment from Tuesday night until Friday night. He is four and quite bossy. He can be sweet too. So I had a taste of being a parent for awhile. He had some spells. He did not want to go to bed. He was also sick which kept him grumpy and unable to sleep well. Despite all this, I decided to take him for a walk to a park to see cannons and the water. Big mistake on my part. It was cold. After we get about 10 minutes away, it starts to rain. Now it had rained earlier that day but had stopped. Then my little brother steps into a puddle and gets his shoe wet. It all went downhill from there. He has a breakdown. He takes his shoe off and will not put it back on. After taking his shoe off, he then proceeds to get his sock wet. He starts screaming and crying in the middle of the sidewalk with people all around. He will not move. He will not put his shoe on. Finally, I get his shoe back on but the crying continues for 20 minutes. The breakdown ended after I bought him some Reese's. So best big sister award. But to be fair, he did tell me "I'm sorry I wouldn't put my shoe back on sissy" later on.

In other news, I moved out of my moldy, wet apartment. I had to move home so that stinks. I am constantly searching for a new apartment. It is hard to move back home after living on your own. This will be like the 4 time I have done this. But hopefully I find a place soon!

Now I am sick. But doctor's on Tuesday!

College life crisis that not even google could fix

Y'all, I'm having a crisis. A college life crisis seems like a good name for it. I don't know what I want to do in life or really anything about my life. I don't know what college I want to go to. I don't know what I want to major in. I'm a junior in college and have no idea what I want to do. I even googled it, I promise. I google everything when I can't decide something. But even good old google could not help me to make a decision.
I know this is normal but as I told you before I stress, a lot. I worry my whole future is just going to fail if I make the wrong choice (my dad calls me a drama queen). I just don't know how to make the right decision, if there is one. I know this is my life but I'm terrified of disappointing my mom or dad.

I have too many "likes" to pick a major. I love kids, helping people, baking, all sorts of stuff. I think I want to go back to my original college and either just finish my education major or do psychology. I want to get my masters in child life, that I'm sure of. I just don't know. How do people make decisions? Maybe I'm missing that part of my brain. This is so hard.

One day I might actually graduate college but college is the best 10 years of your life right so why rush it? Or maybe that's just me.

"The trouble is, you think you have time"

Disclaimer: this post is mildly depressing. I do not want anyone tell me to not be negative or to have hope or any of that because I'm a positive person and I look at the bright side most of the time but here on my blog I can say what is on my mind. I love y'all but seriously this is just a night with serious posts. The quote is by Buddha by the way. 

Time...do any of us ever really have enough? Time has been a big thing on my mind since I started to become sicker, started to spend more and more time in the hospital, and since my doctor told me it might be a good idea to start talking to the transplant people. Growing up I obviously knew that people with CF usually had a shorter life span, although some have lived such long lives which is amazing. Even knowing that, I always planned my future out completely. I'd go to college, get married, have kids, live in a white plantation style house with black shutters and the porch ceiling painted blue, be a stay at home mom, and live happily ever after. I never once believed that I may not ever get to do these things. When you're young, the late 30s/early 40s seems like so far away. Now it doesn't. Now I'm 20, middle aged if you will. My health isn't all that fantastic. I'm by no means negative, I'm just expressing a fear I guess. A fear that I won't get to have the life I so clearly laid out when I was younger.  I fear I won't even get to finish one of those things. Maybe I can finish the degree but lord knows that is taking me forever. Obviously  only 20 so kids and marriage is out of the question right now, maybe like 25? I have always wanted kids and to be a stay at home mom (and own my bakery obviously). But I know you have to be healthy and maintain good Pfts numbers and mine are already quite low. It just seems out of my reach. I've always wanted to get married, but having someone around who loves me would be just as good I guess. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to rush any of this. I just want to know that I'll get that chance to have the life I want. Sometimes it doesn't seem like I'm going to get that. I see other girls my age that are already married and/or have a kid or kids who hate their husbands or are never with their kids and such. It just makes me mad that they have everything I want to be able to have one day and may not get to but yet they don't appreciate it one bit. It blows my mind. I don't mean to be judgmental, just ranting y'all! I don't think I'm asking for much. Just what most normal people want. It doesn't seem fair sometimes. But I guess no one really knows how much time they have left or if their life plans can ever be reached.  It's just like as I get sicker and sicker, I can see my plans flying out the window. It sucks. I know God has a plan for me. Whether I live a long life or not, it's up to him. Whether kids and marriage are in that plan, only He knows. I guess I just have to sit back and do whatever I can to stay as healthy as I can. I know plenty of CFers that have lived long long lives but I feel that I can still have this fear. I think it's natural.